Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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