Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
