I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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