it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
