You're my little dorito
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
4 words: hood of his car
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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