I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
