So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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