he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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