Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
