you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
