I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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