I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize