i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
