I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
