It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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