Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
