The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
