I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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