Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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