Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
