please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
