Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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