ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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