Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
