its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
