my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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