Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
