do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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