Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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