Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
