i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
