I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
two words...techno handjob
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
