Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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