I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
