'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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