Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
