I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
