someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
