i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
