I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
