at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
