So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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