I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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