My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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