Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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