and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You need a sexual gate keeper
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
