ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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