My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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