I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
