I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
