K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
