Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
