At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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