i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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