how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
