I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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