What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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