can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
