So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
