when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize