if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
