I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
