i think i have two assholes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
