I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize