True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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